Coaching for Leaders Who've Hit Midlife Malaise

There comes a point where everything seems fine, but something underneath doesn’t feel right. You’re still performing, still reliable, still doing what’s expected but there’s a restlessness you can’t quite shake.

You know how to deliver. You’ve spent years doing it. But somewhere along the line the drive that used to push you forward has turned into autopilot. You’re capable but detached. The days blur. You’re working hard, keeping busy, doing plenty, but it’s not hitting the mark anymore.

That’s what I call midlife malaise. It’s not burnout or failure. It’s the stage where your tolerance runs out — for the politics, the nonsense, the things you used to let slide because it was easier.

You’re still doing the work, but you’re less willing to play the game.

Why It Happens

You’ve spent years running on logic — planning, proving yourself, keeping everything under control. It got you this far, but it also disconnected you from what you care about. You stopped noticing how you felt because feelings don’t get rewarded and are frowned on in the workplace.

Somewhere along the way, we were taught that emotion is unprofessional. So you learned to hold it in. Stay calm in the room. Keep the tone measured, the face neutral, even when faced with a challenging situation or disrespect. You brace. The body copes for a while, until the tension builds — the headaches, the bad sleep. The stiffness that never really eases. You blame it on age, posture, too many hours at a desk, but deep down you know it’s more than that.

It becomes the norm — part of the job, part of getting older — but under the surface you can feel the cost. Too much stress, too many years of carrying the weight of everyone else’s expectations. You’re still showing up, still doing the work, but the toll on your mind and body is getting harder to ignore.

Then one day, the fog lifts just enough for you to see it. The meetings that drain you. The goals you don’t believe in anymore. The stories you’ve stopped buying. Once you notice, you can’t unsee it. And no matter how much you analyse or plan, you can’t think your way out of it — because this isn’t a problem to solve. It’s a signal that something’s off course.

What helps

The first step is noticing what your body’s trying to tell you. The knot in your stomach before a meeting. The shallow breathing when someone starts talking at you, not to you. The way your shoulders tense before you open your laptop. The 2am wake-up, replaying a conversation. None of it’s random — it’s data.

Years of pushing through have trained you to ignore your body’s signals, to treat discomfort as something to manage instead of understand — to throw money at a chiropractor or massage to loosen you up again. But the body keeps score, and those quick fixes only work for so long.

Pay attention. Notice what contracts in your body and what relaxes — and what’s happening around you when it does. Who are you with? What’s being discussed? It sounds simple, but awareness is always the first step.

Then look at where your energy goes. Not your time — your energy. You probably already know which meetings, people or projects leave you flat. You override it to stay professional, to keep things smooth, because it’s your job. But plenty of parts of working life are energy vampires. That’s how you end up running on fumes.

Start small. Say no where you’d usually say yes (and regret it). Don’t fill every space in your calendar. Leave room for thinking, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Language matters more than you might realise. The “I have to,” “I should,” and “I don’t have time” lines quietly strip you of choice. Try “I choose to” or “I get to.” It’s not about fake positivity — it’s about ownership. When you speak to yourself differently, you lead yourself differently too.

And remember, you’re a person who’s spent years adapting to survive in workplaces that reward endurance over authenticity. The habits that frustrate you — overworking, people-pleasing, holding it all in — started as ways to belong or stay safe. They worked once. They just don’t serve you anymore.

The work itself

That’s what The Catalyst Day is for — one focused day to pause, see what’s actually running you, trace the patterns back to where they started, and let them go.

Final thought

You don’t need to burn your life down to change it, or reinvent yourself. You’ve just been buried under expectation, duty and years of doing what you thought you should. The work is to reconnect with what matters so you can find more meaning and value in your life.

Everything you’ve done got you here — and it supports what comes next. You now get to choose how that looks.